Some of us know all too well how quickly things can change with a little phone call.
10am…phone rings. It’s Nancy, our social worker. I can hear it in her voice.
“Hi, Olivia. How are you?”
“Good, how are you Nancy?”
“Um, well I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to say it. Itzel changed her mind. She wants her parents to adopt the baby now.”
“Well, it’s not okay and I know that this is really hard to hear, but she does have that right as a birthmom. We can still meet at 11 if you want to talk about it.”
Choking back tears, “That’s okay, I think we’ll just not come in for the meeting today.”
I think there was a little more conversation, but I’m not sure how exactly it went. Something about she is working with a few birthmom’s right now, and things are busy at the adoption agency so there’s still hope for an adoption happening in the next few months. She said something about it being a big compliment that our profile was only viewed once and it was chosen.
I guess that was nice to hear, but I am still angry. It’s hard to understand why the birth mom decided to tell her parents at the last minute about her adoption plan. She knew they weren’t supportive, so she was planning on not telling them about her adoption decision. I am sure that would be really difficult to hide from your parents, when we are created to be in community and receive love and support from the people we are closest to. It just seemed like she wasn’t close to them at all. We knew from the start that it was a yellow flag that she had a name picked out for the baby, and also that neither her parents nor the birth dad’s parents were on board with the adoption.
It’s difficult, though, not to get excited when we met with the birth mom multiple times and she seemed completely gung-ho. She said she felt like she had known us forever. She said she knows we can give her baby a better life than she could. She wanted me in the delivery room. She wanted limited contact with the baby after the birth. And she told us right in front of our case worker that she was very confident in all of her decisions.
It was also impossible not to be excited when we thought we were going to have a baby in our arms in 8 days. We prepared. We prayed ceaselessly for this baby. For this birth. For this momma and her decision.
I heard in a sermon yesterday, “God answers our prayers with what we would have prayed for if we could see the big picture.” I must believe this truth.
“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:13-14
This scripture was posted on my facebook wall today one hour before I got the dreaded phone call. This very scripture has been nothing but a constant comfort and encouragement to me over these last two heartbreaking years.
Do you like roller coasters? Well, you should try my life. It is one. But the ONE constant thing I continue to hold fast to:
“For He is the living God and enduring forever, And His kingdom is one which will not be destroyed, And His dominion will be forever.” -Daniel 6:26